Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
