ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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