Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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