you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
