They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
