You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?