I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
