Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
