Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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