i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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