The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
