Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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