it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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