from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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