I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again