If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize