I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd