Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY