You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
