i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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