i'm home, then i'll come over
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.