Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
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like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
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Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.