Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.