Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him