Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it