theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.