We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think