Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
