Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
