I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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