ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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