So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
