guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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