I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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