so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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