if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize