Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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