she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
