ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
