So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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