I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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