he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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