are you still at the devil's house?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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