A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Buhtt sex?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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