He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize