So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
