I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
