I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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