You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
