Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
