i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
