I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
