8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
