Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
