You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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