saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
bring money and cleavage
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
