a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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