I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
