That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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