i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
